Perspective
by Joan Alumbaugh Dyer
      I am calling the WCPP. (World Cell Phone Police) the very next time I am embarrassed and humiliated by turning to say "hello" only to find I have just said "hello" to a total stranger that is answering their cell phone. They were not saying "hello" to me. I, of course, feel like a blibbering idiot and the look on the other person's face confirms my condition. The above described event usually occurs at the grocery store. It seems everyone has a cell phone attached somewhere to their body. I have been doing an independent study of cell phone usage and collecting data which will support my theory that cell phones are going to become the culprit for a series of social failures that we will be facing in the very near future.
      The first category is the ongoing corruption of our language. Americans are prone to shorten every name word or phrase they possibly can. Thus the cellular telephone has become "cell." Call me on my cell. You can reach them on their cell. My cell number is ... and on and on. I tend to think of "cell" as a place for monks, priests and nuns, areas in prisons, and molecular structures that make up the human body - not a phone. Proof of my theory. Has anyone ask you lately... Do you have a cellular telephone? I believe the next step will be to call the cellular telephone the "C" or the Sea or See -- whatever!
      The second category relates to the medical field. Americans enjoy jumping on band wagons or any old wagon that comes along. This applies to the field of medicine. A few years ago (shortly after computers became standard office and home equipment) Carpal Tunnel Syndrome became the injury of the day. Everyone that was anyone was having CTS surgery or wearing a nifty medical splint on their hand to ward off CTS. The same thing will eventually happen with the cell phone. This affliction will be called the Ring-a-Ding-Ding Cellular Syndrome. The affliction will be recognized by the shape of the right hand or the left hand if you happen to be left handed. The fingers will take on the shape of the size of cellular phone . The thumb will be a critical part of the Ring-a-Ding-Ding Cellular Syndrome due to use in flipping the phone open. In severe cases usually found in patients that talk on the phone ALL THE TIME, the thumb will appear to be worn off. Of course there will be several skin grafts performed to repair the side of the hip, the hip pocket area on the ole back side where the skin (cells) have become impaired from grabbing for the cell phone location.
      The third threatened area, manners, public behavior, consideration of others that must journey to stores and markets. We do not want to hear your private phone conservations. Not even those that are delivered through clinched teeth. Not even those that seem pleasant and evoke laughter. Not even those that involve some poor man trying to follow directions as to where a certain product is located. Not even those that are reading off product names and cooking directions to an invisible voice that is giving directions. And certainly not those that are yelling at their children! If you are using a cellular telephone in public, please as a matter of common courtesy DON'T!

      A special "thank you" to Elaine Jackamore, she sent me a little catalogue that had covers for the edge of oven racks to prevent being burned while taking food in or out of the oven. My order is on the way Elaine! Now, I perhaps can cook my Christmas dinner and not look like I have walked through a forest fire.

      I have known for years that local people love Okeechobee! I received a charming letter last week that renewed my belief that Okeechobee may just be the best place on the planet. Thank you Capt Wm. Stafford I enjoyed your letter and will share it with our readers. I'm sure many will be prompted to remember their childhood in Okeechobee.